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“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

– Maya Angelou

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Have you ever felt like it was your job to change the minds others and get them to see things your way? 

Our love for others often revs up the desire to recruit them to the “good side.” When we become filled with the desire to pursue all that is true, right, and just, we want the overflow to spill out onto everyone around us, hoping to bring them on board too.

Yet we often find that this is an uphill battle.

We discover that behind staunch opinions are a collection of closely-held beliefs propping them up—and the work it takes to dismantle these beliefs in others is ultimately not ours to do.

The truth is, it is not your responsibility to convince anyone of anything, nor are you tasked with changing someone else’s mind. The thoughts and actions of others are ultimately outside of your control. Does this mean that you don’t try to help others see something from your perspective? Not at all. Conversations are critical, yet at the same time, there is only so much you can do.

What’s next? We don’t want to give up on our loved ones, marking them as lost causes who will never see things the way we do, yet we don’t want to consistently launch ourselves headfirst into a wall that won’t budge. Instead, consider taking that energy and redirecting it inward. Focus on cultivating and nurturing your own belief system and the consistent dedication to living out your own beliefs.

Instead of exerting all of your energy trying to convince someone of a truth you hold dear, spend more time living a life that exemplifies your values in a way that makes it difficult to refute the power of your perspective.

If, at the end of your life, you look back and realize that you were never successful in changing the minds of your friends, I hope the evidence of a life well-lived speaks loudly on your behalf, and that your legacy shows just how much you loved your neighbors.